What is Acute Grief and How Long Does It Last?

​If you have lost your spouse or life partner, you have probably experienced or are currently experiencing acute grief. Acute grief is defined as the immediate and intense reaction following the loss of a loved one. It is characterized by a range of emotional, cognitive, physical and behavioral responses that can be overwhelming and all-consuming. Acute grief typically lasts for the first few weeks to months after your loss and timelines can vary for everyone. Here is my experience with Acute Grief.

My acute grieving over my late husband began the minute I found him unresponsive in our front yard. The initial emotion was complete shock, which quickly turned into numbness and denial. I felt completely disconnected from the world around me and from reality. I could not fathom or wrap my head around the idea that he was actually gone and not coming back. I could not eat, and I did not sleep for the first few months. I was a shell of myself.

I also experienced a deep yearning and longing for him to return to our life together and to our home. I would walk my dogs and talk to him, begging him to come home. I had a chance to say my final goodbyes at the funeral home before they cremated him, and I ran my fingers across his face and pleaded with him to wake up and come home. Again, the denial was seeping in.

As time went on and after the memorial, I started to acknowledge my new reality and that my late husband indeed was not coming home. My emotions flipped to intense sadness and anger. I would cry at the drop of a hat and when little things in life did not go the way I had planned, I would erupt into an irrational and irritable rage. I was frustrated with the lack of control I had over my situation and my emotions. I wanted to fast forward through the pain and get to the other side where I was myself again and happy. That, however, took time.

I went back to work about a month after my husband died and experienced a diminished mental capacity to stay focused and to remember key details. I would forget meetings and conversations I had with clients and co-workers. I learned to write everything down and still I struggled to keep up with the day-to-day workload. There were days that I thought I would never get back to “normal” and I still think nearly 2 years after his passing that my brain has changed forever. The trauma of the experience has shifted something in my brain and while I am now able to concentrate and focus on important tasks, I also find myself being much more empathetic and in touch with others’ feelings around me.

It took me about three months before I felt confident and comfortable to re-engage in social activities. Up until that point, I was happy to stay home and spend time with select people at my home or their home, away from curious eyes in the community. Once I started to engage in social events again, it took me awhile to not feel guilty about being happy and laughing. I mean how could allow myself to be happy? My husband and life partner of 24 years just died! But slowly I relinquished that guilt and told myself that anyone who did not want me to be happy or was critical of my behavior was not a true friend. The good news, I learned, was that none of my friends expected me to be sad or questioned my ability to happy without my late husband. I am eternally grateful to my friends and family who supported me one hundred percent throughout my grief journey.

Self-care and self-compassion become two very important practices and strategies that I put into place to manage through the intense emotions and symptoms, known as acute grief, in the months following my husband’s death. I still practice these nearly two years after my loss. My acute grief lasted about four to six months. I now have more good days than bad, but there are still days and moments that are hard, and I give myself grace when they occur, knowing it is all part of the journey.

Are you experiencing acute grief? What are your symptoms and how are you practicing self-care?