Take Charge of Your Grief: 10 Proactive Strategies to Move Forward in Your Grief

​If you’re like me, you want to know what you need to do to heal and move forward in your grief. I wanted to know what the recipe or steps were that I needed to follow to feel better. Unfortunately, it does not exist, as everyone’s grief is unique and follows a different path. The ugly truth about grieving is no one is coming to rescue you, to take away your pain or to help you live the life you want after your loss. It’s up to you to take those steps to move forward. It can feel overwhelming, so here are ten proactive strategies you can apply to your grief to go from surviving to thriving.

1. Carve out time to grieve. This may seem obvious, but many people do not take time to really grieve after their loss. They put their head down and power through or suppress feelings when they come up or distract themselves by staying busy. The best thing you can do in the early stages of grief is to commit to feeling, to crying, to yelling or whatever it is you need to do to express your anguish.
   
   
2. Seek support. Support can come in many ways. It can be a local bereavement group, a trusted friend or colleague who has also experienced loss, a grief coach or a licensed therapist. Talking about your grief with people who understand grief and mourning can help you process your emotions, make you feel less alone and provide you with tactics to strategies to manage them.
   
   
3. Do not isolate yourself. Loneliness is a real part of grief, especially after losing your spouse or life partner. The support and outreach you receive in the first few weeks after your loss will start to disappear. While we all wish that friends and family will continue their support forever, the reality is that most get back to living their lives. So, it’s up to you to reach out to your friends and family to stay connected and engage them in what you need. Don’t be a martyr, if you are lonely, call a friend, connect in the community, volunteer or join groups with similar interests as you.
   
   
4. Practice self-care. Being self-aware of what you need to feel better is important. At first, self-care should focus on eating, drinking plenty of water and sleeping. As your strength returns, tap into other self-care practices that will help you feel better. That could be going for daily walks, other forms of exercise, creative outlets like painting or cooking, gardening, watching a movie, attending a concert, etc.
   
   
5. Learn from others. There are many others who have walked in your shoes of grief. Reading books or listening to podcasts on grief and mourning can help you understand the grieving process and provide hope that healing is possible.
   
   
6. Find a purpose. Your life has forever changed, so take time to identify your purpose now that your spouse or life partner is gone. Perhaps it is your children, your pets or helping others. Having a purpose to get up every day and keeping living is important to healing.
   
   
7. Reflect and remember. Healing is being able to remember your loved one with more joy than sadness. Reflect on positive memories you had with your person. It’s okay to laugh and remember the good times or the little things they did to make you smile and laugh. Share stories of your person to connect with others who are also grieving them.
   
   
8. Set realistic expectations. Your person is gone, and this creates a gap in managing your life and your household. What was once a partnership of responsibility now falls squarely on your shoulders. Be realistic in what you can accomplish and really consider what needs to be accomplished each day and what can wait. For example, going to the grocery store is important so you can eat. Weeding the garden bed can probably wait. Don’t overwhelm yourself with a long to do list each day and know when you need help and don’t be ashamed to ask for it.
   
   
9. Journal you progress. It can be hard to see the forest within the trees when you are deep in grief. Take time to write down things you have accomplished or emotions you have acknowledged and moved through. Progress can seem slow when you’re in the thick of it, but having a journal to reflect back on can help you see your progress and give you hope for healing.
   
   
10. Give yourself grace. You are human and grieving is hard. You’ll have good days and bad days. You’ll have moments of joy and moments of sadness. People will say the wrong thing and you’ll feel hurt and then someone will show compassion and kindness and you’ll feel better. Don’t dwell on the negative and give yourself grace from negative self-talk. Practice self-compassion. You’re doing the best you can with a terrible situation.
    
    

Grief is overwhelming, at times all-encompassing and terrifying. How do you want to live after your loss? Do you want to survive, or do you want to thrive? Getting back to thriving takes work and it’s up to you to proactively take steps towards healing. There are people and resources that can help. Make the decision to move forward. I’d be honored to help you do that.

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