Resiliency Through Grief

​Resilience is defined by the strength and speed of our response to adversity. It is not about avoiding challenges or difficult situations, but rather about facing them, learning from them, and continuing to move forward. It sure sounds good or like wishful thinking when you are in the depths of grief and mourning doesn’t it?

​When staring down the worst moments of our lives, like losing a spouse, how do you find resilience when even getting out of bed is a chore? The good news is we all have it to varying degrees. The better news is we can continue to develop it and strengthen it over time. The hard part is finding it and tapping into it during grief.

I was a competitive swimmer from the time I can remember through college. That came with a lot of ups and downs – a lot a wins, but more often, a lot of disappointments. Hours a week spent practicing, missing social events, and many other sacrifices defined my high school years. Races and meets did not always go as planned and through these experiences, I learned to examine what did not go right, pick myself up and get back in the pool to train harder for the next time. This was how I built resilience in the early years of my life.

Later in life, it was chasing career goals that didn’t pan out, being denied promotions, or laid off from jobs. The resilience I built earlier in my life continued to build through each and every one of these disappointments. I’d put my head down and keep working and striving for better and for the next opportunity. I was proud of my resilience and my ability to carry on after setbacks.

The sudden loss of my husband challenged my resilience like nothing else I had ever faced. But deep inside me, I knew it was there and I knew that I would be able to leverage it to move forward, even in the early weeks and months of complete despair. I found resilience each day I got up to walk and feed my dogs. I found resilience when I stood in front of all our friends and family and eulogized my late husband at his memorial. I found resilience from my late husband, knowing he would want me to live and keep going.

Now don’t get me wrong, my moments of resiliency were far and few compared to my moments of complete anguish and despair in the first few months. However, little by little the small moments of resilience turned into bigger moments until I was able to look the pain of my husband’s death in the eye and know it was not going to end my life too. It took time, days, weeks and months (and there are still moments I do not feel too resilient), but as my grief unfolded over time, I knew I was going to be okay. Life was going to keep unfolding and I was going to live it, in spite of my grief and to commemorate my late husband.

What are the moments of resilience that you have experienced in your grief? How can you tap into your resilience and build more to get you through this difficult time? I’d be honored to support you in acknowledging your resilience and work with you to develop it further in your journey to move forward. Schedule a free 30-minute consultation.