Moving Forward from Grief

​In my grief coaching I focus on helping widowed women move forward from their grief to find joy and meaning in life. I’ve been in the depths of despair after my husband died. Yet, I clawed my way out to find happiness again and built a life without my late husband while still honoring him. I believe everyone has the right to be happy and I am passionate about supporting widows in determining what “moving forward” means to them and helping them design a life of happiness despite their loss. Here is what I’ve learned about acceptance and what moving forward after loss means to me.

Moving forward does not mean moving on or forgetting. For me, moving forward after my husband died was an intentional decision that I made. I knew I had to and wanted to keep living and that I needed to find a way forward from my grief to find joy and happiness. I also knew this would not be easy or something that happened overnight.

In the days and weeks after my husband died, I specifically said out loud, many times over, “I will never be happy again” and “I will never find joy again”. However, there were also decisions I made early after his death, like adamantly wanting to stay in our home or not wanting to sell the camper we loved and lived in for six months, that were early indications that I was not ready to give up and cancel the life we had created.

My late husband and I built an incredible life together. We were together for 24 years and went from ski bums living with roommates to purchasing a dream home in a dream location. We had only been in our new home for six weeks when he passed away. We had so many plans for our new home and exploring our new town and community. We also had so many plans for the future and adventures together. Many people wondered how I could stay in the home where he died and we had so many plans and I thought, how can I not?

Don’t’ get me wrong, there was a lot of dark days in the weeks and months after my husband died. I didn’t just wake up one day and decide to be happy and bam! I was happy. I had to go through the pain, the sadness, the loneliness, the anger, the guilt and all the emotions. However, I also knew, deep in my soul, that I did not want to stay in that space forever and that I had to figure out how to move forward.
As the summer and fall turned to winter after my husband died, I found renewed purpose. It was a record snow year in the mountains of Colorado, where I live. My late husband loved the snow (as do I) and I took it as a sign that I needed to get on living that life he could no longer live. I skied as many days as I could that winter, just like we would have done if he was still here. And I stubbornly managed every snowstorm at the house, despite offers from neighbors to help.

My purpose that winter was to honor my late husband and to not give up on the dream life we had planned together. I surrounded myself with people who could help me live that life without him. I planned every weekend of that winter (November to April) to have people at my home or I traveled to see friends. I healed my broken heart and I could feel my late husband in those moments, knowing he would be proud of me for carrying on without him. I also kept his memory alive to anyone who would listen, telling stories and memories of our life together.

None of this was easy and my path may not be the path that others want to or can follow. However, I believe everyone is capable of designing and living a life they want after loss. My approach to grief coaching is to help widows assess where they are today in their grief and in their life and where do they want to be in the future. What is the life they want to live without their spouse or life partner? How do they want to feel? What do they want to accomplish? And then, we create a plan together to get there.

Let’s start the journey together. Schedule a FREE 30-minute consultation with me to learn more.