Finding Meaning in Loss: Honoring What Could Have Been

Finding meaning in loss can be a powerful step in healing from grief. But it can’t be rushed. It is important to honor the process and the full range of emotions that grief brings – sadness, anger, confusion, numbness, etc. Grief has no timeline and there is no “right way” to grieve.
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However, if you find yourself asking how to find meaning or how to honor your late spouse, you may be entering a new phase of your grief journey – one where healing and remembrance begin to intertwine.

​Grief expert David Kessler offers a perspective on finding meaning in loss that is simple:

“What would best honor the years they didn’t get? That could be one way of bringing meaning to our lives without them”.

This quote is a reminder that finding meaning and honoring our loss does not have to be complicated. It can be as simple as “just living” – living for them and the life they never got to live.

When my husband Brad died, I mourned the future we dreamed about but would never get to have. Birthdays, anniversaries, travels, adventures and growing old together – all those dreams were gone.

Over time and with the right support, I began to heal from my grief, and I thought about how Brad would want me to live and how I wanted the rest of my life to unfold. I realized that living my life fully was a way to honor him.

I asked myself:

• What would he want for me?
• How would he be living his life if he was still here?
• How can I carry forward the dreams we shared?
• How can I live in a way that honors the person he was?
  
  

Today, I intentionally live a life that I know he would be proud of. I still enjoy the hobbies and adventures that he loved, like skiing, camping and hiking with our dogs. This is my way of honoring him – I am living in a way that honors all the years we did not get together.

Finding meaning in loss does not have to be big or public or perfect. It is deeply personal, and it can take many forms:

• Starting a new tradition in their memory
• Speaking openly about your grief to help others feel less alone
• Living boldly in ways they didn’t get the chance to
• Creating something like writing, art, a garden, a tradition that keeps their spirit alive
• Giving back to others in a way that reflects your shared values
• Simply waking up and choosing to keep going
  
  

You don’t have to have it all figured out. You don’t need a grand purpose right now. By asking yourself that one powerful question - What would best honor the years they didn’t get? - can guide you gently toward meaning, at your own pace.

Grief and meaning can coexist. One does not cancel out the other.

If you’re in the thick of loss, please know that you are not broken. Your pain is real, and your healing is possible. And when you’re ready, you have every right to search for meaning, not as a way to leave your person behind, but as a way to bring them with you.

Their story continues in you.

If you're ready to explore what healing looks like after loss, I invite you to learn more about my grief coaching program, Building Strength to Thrive. It’s designed to help widows move forward, not by forgetting, but by honoring, healing, and rebuilding your life.