A marriage is a partnership. Over time, “I” becomes a “we”. It happens unconsciously as your marriage grows. You start sentences with “we went to…” or “we love that place…” So, when our spouse passes away, it is expected that we will struggle to figure out who we are without them.

You were a team, a shared calendar and a voice in the other room. You shared a favorite restaurant. You signed birthday cards together. You planned a future together.

We often hear that year two of widowhood is harder than year one. This may be surprising to hear, as we often think of year one as the most difficult because it is filled with all the painful “firsts”: the first birthday, the first holidays, the first anniversary, etc. These are painful milestones that we would hope would get easier with time.
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So why is year two harder for some widows?

​In the immediate aftermath of my husband’s death, I felt numb, in disbelief and total shock. It was all I could do to get out of bed, to take a shower or even consider a bite of food. My friends struggled to help me, not understanding the depth of my pain. So, when a friend said to me, just three days after Brad died, to “Get off the couch. You have to stay busy. It will help”, I did not know how to respond, but I had good instinct that my body and mind were in no condition to “stay busy”.