There comes a time after we lose our spouse when we start thinking about what to do with their possessions. Some hold treasured memories, and some items are just things of their past. Yet, it can be so hard to part with any of it. It can feel like giving away a part of them. But what if instead of letting go of their things, you thought of it as passing it forward, to give it a new life?

When you lose your spouse, your whole world changes instantly. Returning to work is inevitable within the first few weeks or months after your loss. When you return, it can feel like stepping into a time warp – that world has not changed, but yours has completely shattered.
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You may believe that “keeping busy” or “finding distraction” through work will help you move forward from your loss. 

A marriage is a partnership. Over time, “I” becomes a “we”. It happens unconsciously as your marriage grows. You start sentences with “we went to…” or “we love that place…” So, when our spouse passes away, it is expected that we will struggle to figure out who we are without them.

You were a team, a shared calendar and a voice in the other room. You shared a favorite restaurant. You signed birthday cards together. You planned a future together.

We often hear that year two of widowhood is harder than year one. This may be surprising to hear, as we often think of year one as the most difficult because it is filled with all the painful “firsts”: the first birthday, the first holidays, the first anniversary, etc. These are painful milestones that we would hope would get easier with time.
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So why is year two harder for some widows?

​In the immediate aftermath of my husband’s death, I felt numb, in disbelief and total shock. It was all I could do to get out of bed, to take a shower or even consider a bite of food. My friends struggled to help me, not understanding the depth of my pain. So, when a friend said to me, just three days after Brad died, to “Get off the couch. You have to stay busy. It will help”, I did not know how to respond, but I had good instinct that my body and mind were in no condition to “stay busy”.

Grieving the loss of a spouse or life partner is confusing, overwhelming and disorienting. Whether their death was sudden or happened after a long illness, the person you were meant to spend your life with is gone and nothing can prepare you for the emptiness and loneliness you feel. The person who was by your side every day is suddenly gone along with all the dreams and hopes for your future together.

When the room is quiet, grief can feel even louder.

After our spouse or life partner dies, the silence that follows can be deafening. The home we shared falls quiet, and loneliness sets in. So when friends, colleagues, and even close family members don’t acknowledge our loss, it can feel very isolating.

When someone stays quiet after a loss it is often because they don’t know what to say. It is not because they don’t care or that they have forgotten. They are often times just scared to say the wrong thing.
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I’ve heard it many times from the grieving people I coach, and I’ve experienced it myself: when no one says anything, the pain feels even more difficult.

Finding meaning in loss can be a powerful step in healing from grief. But it can’t be rushed. It is important to honor the process and the full range of emotions that grief brings – sadness, anger, confusion, numbness, etc. Grief has no timeline and there is no “right way” to grieve.
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However, if you find yourself asking how to find meaning or how to honor your late spouse, you may be entering a new phase of your grief journey – one where healing and remembrance begin to intertwine.

​When my husband died, I struggled to leave my house for months. My house felt safe in my new reality and staying home meant I didn’t have to face happy couples at restaurants or small talk with strangers at the grocery store. My world had shattered and picking up the pieces felt impossible. However, with time, I came to realize that isolating myself was only hindering my healing, not helping it.

As many who have experienced loss know, grief impacts all aspects of our body – emotionally, physically and mentally. Before I lost my husband, I understood grief to be full of sadness, longing and emotional distress. I was not prepared for the physical and mental impacts, which were confusing and disorienting, especially when brain fog set in. The inability to make simple decisions, forgetting why I walked into a room and a feeling of disconnection from day-to-day life became my norm. I wondered if I would ever feel like myself again. So, what is brain fog?

When your spouse passes away, your whole world shifts in an instant. It doesn’t matter if you anticipated them dying or it was unexpected, life changes forever. The person you shared your life with, the one who knew your routines, your quirks, your dreams, is no longer physically here. And suddenly, you're left to navigate not only the pain of loss, but a future that feels unfamiliar and overwhelming.

Yesterday, I went to the doctor for my annual wellness exam. The routine was familiar - the nurse came in first to take my vitals and ask about my medical history. Then she asked "What do you do for work?"

I told her I was a Grief Coach, helping people - primarily widows - process and move through their grief.
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She paused. Her eyes welled up with tears and she shared her own story about losing both of her parents.

​Grief over losing a loved one is something we all hear about, but until we experience it firsthand, we don’t fully understand its depth. When my husband suddenly passed away, I thought I knew what grieving him would entail – sadness, tears, and eventually healing. But, I learned that grief has its own timeline and a complex range of emotions and symptoms that would send me into complete survival mode. Here are five things about grief that took me by surprise.

Grieving a spouse is disorienting and exhausting. Symptoms are not just emotional, but physical and mental too. In the midst of this pain, self-care can feel impossible or even self-indulgent. But taking care of yourself isn’t just important for your health; it is also necessary for healing.

Self-care is not meant to force you to “move on” or pretend that everything is fine. It consists of strategies and practices that can help you manage the difficult parts of grief – to bring moments of reprieve from the pain and allow you to keep moving forward in your life.

Losing your spouse changes everything. The life you once knew is suddenly taken from you. In the midst of grief even the things that once brought joy – your hobbies, creative outlets, and passions – can feel distant or unimportant.
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​When my husband, Brad, passed away, I found it difficult to reconnect with the hobbies and passions I once loved. I was exhausted, not eating well and barely sleeping. I simply did not have the mental or physical energy to engage in the things that once brought me joy.

​When I suddenly became a widow at 45 years old, I feared my best days were behind me. I had 24 beautiful years with my late husband, Brad. We met in our twenties, got married, bought a house, chased careers dreams, traveled and adventured together. Our future was bright with so many plans. But that was suddenly cut short, and I felt stunned, cheated and unable to fathom how life could go on with any type of happiness or joy.

​The quiet after my husband suddenly passed away was deafening. What was a house full of love and joy was a mere shell of itself. Then came the loneliness and the longing for companionship. I missed having him next to me when I woke up or by my side to share a meal. I missed the impulse of life – waking up on a Saturday and letting the plans of the day unfold. When you spend a lifetime with one person and that is suddenly ripped away from you in an instant, life becomes very confusing and disorienting.

​The holidays can be a time of joy, connection, and celebration. But for those of us who have lost a spouse, this season often feels like a glaring reminder of who is missing. From the empty seat at the table to traditions that now feel incomplete, the holidays can bring an overwhelming wave of emotions.

​If you’re facing the holidays without your spouse, you’re not alone in this struggle. While there’s no magic formula to make it easier, there are ways to navigate this season with intention, self-compassion, and hope.

​Secondary loss was a term completely foreign to me until I suddenly lost my husband in 2022. As if losing my husband wasn’t hard enough, now I had to learn to navigate another layer of grief, which included all the plans, dreams, community and daily life I had with my late husband. I grieved his absence at the dinner table, the trips we’d never take together, the quietness of coming home to an empty house, his love for our dogs, his excitement at the first snow of the season, and so much more. So, what is secondary loss and how does it impact grieving?

​Losing a spouse is one of the most life-altering experiences anyone can endure. It’s not just the emotional void that’s overwhelming, but also the deep fear of the future and uncertainty about what happens next. Suddenly, the life you envisioned—a future shared with your partner—disappears, leaving you in unfamiliar territory. 

​When I lost my husband suddenly on June 27, 2022, it felt like the world stopped and would never start spinning again. The grief was all-encompassing, and it felt impossible to imagine life moving forward without him. However, with time and the right support, I started to rebuild my life. Rebuilding did not mean that I forgot him or that I was leaving my grief behind. Rather, I learned how to live with my grief while creating a new future for myself. Here are five ways to help you rebuild your life after loss.

​We’ve all heard the saying “time heals all wounds”. When it comes to grief, this could not be further from the truth. While time can lessen the intensity of grief, it is a misconception that time alone is enough to heal deep emotional wounds. Healing from grief is an active process that requires more than the passage of time – it requires support, guidance and the right tools to truly recover and thrive after loss. In this blog post, I’ll debunk the myth of “time heals all wounds”.

Without a doubt, losing my husband suddenly in 2022 was the worst day of my life. The days, weeks and months that followed were also extremely difficult. However, if those early days after his passing, I made a crucial decision to invest in my healing. 

What did this investment look like? It was a mental commitment to seek support to process my grief, and it was also a financial commitment to allocate funds for a mental health professional to guide me. This decision transformed the course of my grief journey and ultimately led me to where I am today, which is a widow thriving after loss. 

​After losing your spouse, the idea of finding happiness again may seem impossible. The grief can feel overwhelming, and the life you once knew may seem like a distant memory. Yet, rediscovering joy is not only possible—it’s an essential part of healing. But how can you move from the depths of grief to a place where happiness feels real again?